


Happy or Sad or Whatever

by donewithmirrors (orphan_account)



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Chance Meetings, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, silver lining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-11-23 05:56:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11396694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/donewithmirrors
Summary: After struggling with a prolonged period of depression, you've checked yourself into the clinic for mental health services. You've been staying there for almost three months, and you hadn't had any visitors in a while. Until one day...You make a new friend.{Also, the titled is based on a line from the song Forever and Always by Parachute}





	1. Brentwood

**Author's Note:**

> {I will post trigger warnings in the chapters that need them, and I will try my best not to make this story too sad}
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mental abuse

You hadn’t always been this way. It seemed this sadness just appeared almost out of nowhere. However, you knew exactly where it came from. You just hadn’t let it get to you until recently. It all built up over time, devoured you. It all started when you were in middle school. Your mother had just married a man she had known all of her life. Except for this awful side of him. He was drunk all the time, heavy into drugs, and cursed liked a sailor. A sailor that didn’t give a damn about anything but himself. You never saw him hit your mother, but he always yelled at her for no reason.

When he couldn’t take out his anger on her, you were the one next in line. You would never give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You took his words into one ear, and threw them out the other. Ninety percent of the time, it didn’t even matter what he was saying because you knew it wasn’t true. “You’re so fat and lazy, just like your goddamn mama!” That was one of his favorite lines. But, you knew better. You knew that your mother was the most gorgeous woman you had ever met, and she worked incredibly hard to provide for you. The easiest thing to do when he started shouting his abuse, for lack of a better term, was play dumb.

Three years later, your mother finalized the divorce. But, three years felt like forever to a ten-year-old. You never saw that wicked man again. Something good did come out of the marriage, believe it or not. You had a beautiful baby sister, who took more after your mother than her father. You promised yourself that you would always protect her from men like him. The only difficulty was the staggering age gap between the two of you. You would be well into adulthood by the time she was your age now.

Now, you are an adult. Living on your own, but you still weren’t that far away from home. If you ever needed anything, your mother would be over in ten minutes. You always called twice a week to check on your sister, who was always doing fine. Everything was perfectly normal at the seams. Until one day, it happened.

You were having a shitty day at the office. Some coworker was being a dick, and Mr. Jamison wasn’t going to do anything about it because he was “too busy right now.” You had taken all you could possibly take, and then your coworker took it even further. You got out of there as soon as humanly possible, made it to the driveway, and finally broke into a million pieces. This had never happened to you before, so you didn’t really know what to do. So, you just cried all alone in your car. You didn’t want to be a burden to your mother or the neighbors, so you quietly took it inside.

The house was dark and empty, which only seemed to make matters worse. Every awful thing that had ever been said to you replayed in your head on a seemingly endless loop. You did everything you could to drown it out. You played your favorite songs, watched your favorite shows, ate some of your favorite sweets. Nothing worked. You decided there was only one thing left to do. You called your mother, who had suggested that you try going to therapy. You did your research, and the only place that would accept the insurance you had was an inpatient treatment center called Brentwood. Help was available twenty-four hours a day, but it was a live-in facility.

Reluctantly, you went and checked yourself in. Everyone was very nice, friendly, and helpful. The center was clean, inviting even. Almost like a nice hotel. Your mother would stop by every now and then to bring you things while you stayed. Your sister would come with her sometimes, but slowly and slowly, the visits would stop. Once in a while, you would call and check in with them. Your mother was beginning to have a hard time keeping your sister in check. You decided it would be best to let your mother focus on her instead of you, make things less difficult for her.

It's already been a whole month since you’ve been staying here. Your room had become just as quiet as your house was. You had already done your daily chores and activities for today, so you decided to mess around on your computer. YouTube was the site you used as a prime source of entertainment. But today, you wanted to try something different. You kept seeing this really popular channel in the Gaming category called Game Grumps. “Hmm, sure. What have I got to lose?”

You scrolled through all the playlist that the Game Grumps had to offer. And, to your surprise, you stumbled upon one of your favorite childhood video games. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. As a video game itself, it had its flaws, but it was one of the first games you had ever beaten. Therefore, you just had to watch these guys play it, reliving some of your better days. “Hey, I’m Grump! I’m Not-So-Grump! AND, we’re the GAME GRUMPS!”

As the video played on, you realized you couldn’t remember the last time you had ever laughed this hard or smiled so much. You watched the next one, and the one after that, and the next three after that. This was definitely something you could add to your daily routine. Another month has gone by, and you had finally memorized the names of the Grumps, Arin and Danny. To change things up, every once in a while, you would watch Steam Train or GrumpCade. The only thing that you didn’t like was that you couldn’t see these wonderful people on the other side of the screen.

Still, it was nice to hear from someone. Their voices always seemed to do the trick whenever you felt lonely. You felt closely connected to Danny above everyone else. Danny was so much like you; it was almost a bit scary. A sincere passion for music, travelling, and making people laugh. It was as if you two were long lost friends of some sort. Arin, on the other hand, always felt like the brother you never had. He was very smart, and one of the most honest people you had ever heard speak. They both seemed like fantastic people that you would love to have the honor of meeting someday.

It is now the third month since you’ve been living at Brentwood. At four months, you would get to go back home unless there was still some sort of underlying problems. Today was scheduled to be a visitors’ day. On days like this, patients were allowed to do whatever they wanted to with their families or friends, as long as they didn’t leave the premises. But of course, today was nothing really special for you, for you knew you wouldn’t have any visitors. After lying in bed all morning, you decided to get up and roam the hallways. Everyone looked so happy to see the people who had come to see them. It made you happy and sad all at once. You were so distracted by all the festivities that you didn’t see the tall man that you just bumped into, causing you to fall down.

“Woah, ma’am, I am so sorry! Are you okay? Here, let me help you up.” The stranger had said. He was indeed very tall, lanky and muscular. He had a lion’s mane of curls, and the largest pair of hands you had ever seen as he tried to help you up. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have been in the way. Are you okay?”

His voice sounded so familiar, and yet you couldn’t place it. So, you just shook it off, and introduced yourself. “Oh, and I’m fine, really. I’m the one who’s sorry for bumping into you!” He laughed and told me not to worry about it so much. “So um, if you don’t mind me asking, can I help you find who you’re looking for?”

“Oh, well I’m not really here to visit a specific person. I decided to come out here to meet all kinds of people, maybe put some smiles on their faces. My name’s Danny, by the way. I’m one of the hosts for a show called Game Grumps,” he said.


	2. Visitors' Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to know Danny on a more personal level

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that it's taken me so long to update. I'm in a bad place right now, and I hate everything I write. I really want to write something good, something that hasn't already been done. 
> 
> I promise I'll try my best to get better!

“Oh, my god. Are you—you’re joking, right? I um, wow, this is crazy. I…” You kept trailing off. Danny let out a soft giggle to himself, seeing you awestruck. It was so coincidental that it didn’t seem true. “I thought I recognized your voice, but I didn’t want to be wrong. It’s really, like you have no idea how happy… how honored I am to meet you, Danny.”

“It’s really nice to meet you! I’m super excited that you even know who I am!” And, that was completely understandable. As well-known as the Grumps are, they aren’t quite as well-known as other YouTubers. Besides that, you were almost positive that no other resident at Brentwood had even heard of them. “So uh, I guess you’re stuck with me today, miss.”

“Well then, okay. I’ll try not to take up too much of your time!” You lead the way to the closest pair of seats you could find, figuring that Danny was probably on a tight schedule. The last thing you wanted to do was waste the opportunity to talk to him, or more importantly, waste his time. “Oh no, I actually have the day off today. This was completely a last minute decision that I made. Not because I hadn’t wanted to do it before, but because I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to. Most of the time, you’ve got to get with whoever’s in charge of the place and schedule it months in advance!”

The rest of the conversation went on smoothly, as if you were old friends. That is until Danny decided to dive just a bit deeper than small talk. “You know; I actually went through a depression myself. I took medication and everything, but I got to a point where I decided I didn’t need to anymore. So, one day I just threw it away. I should have gone to the doctor instead, but now I just tell people not to do what I did.”

“It absolutely blows my mind that anyone like you could go through it, too. Like, obviously it can happen to anyone, but I would have never guessed that you could be sad about anything!” You went on to tell him your story, and how you were learning to cope with your depression. “It’s one of those things that are predictably unpredictable, ya know? I could be fine one day, and then the next day it’s like a storm cloud floating above my head. One of my favorite things to do on days like that is listen to music, specifically songs from when I was a teenager.”

“Music is something I love anyway, so I can totally vouch for you there. I actually read a shit-ton of psychology books and stuff, too. I was in college at the time, and I had a lot of suppressed angst from when I was in high school. And, when it all came out, I realized that there was more I could do than just rely on medication.” Nothing inspired you more than the words he had just said. It was already enough that someone you looked up to had been through a similar struggle. But it meant that much more to you, listening to his story. You each continued to talk about stuff for several more hours. What was school like for you? Early bird or night owl? Tea or coffee? “Okay, so I have to ask. You mentioned music earlier, so it’s been bugging me since then. What’s your favorite song?”

“Aw man, um…” you really had to think hard about this one, considering you could never narrow it down to just one, “I guess if I had to choose, it would be Life in a Northern Town by Dream Academy.” He looked at you with a surprised look on his face. He beamed, though it seemed like he didn’t know what to say. “Wow, I didn’t expect that. You’re a bit young to know that one! Why do you consider it your favorite?”

“Well, it was written like a story rather than a song. And, the harmonies are so beautifully done, I just love it! I don’t know, it’s really just my favorite at the moment. I wouldn’t call it my all-time favorite or anything.” He told you what his favorite song was, and you two talked about music for the rest of the day. Visiting hours were just about over, so you and Danny decided to grab a bite to eat in the cafeteria.

“Hey um, if it’s cool with you, I’d really like to come back next week. Or like, whenever the next visiting day is.” He took a bite of his sandwich, while you nearly choked on your drink. “Wow, really? You’d come back?” you said, catching your breath all the while. You both laughed and agreed to meet each other again in the same place. It wouldn’t be next week, but the week after, which felt like forever to you. But, you were now one of the lucky ones who would have a visitor. You didn’t feel lonely anymore. There was a sense of comfort when Danny was around. But just as you were starting to feel okay, it was time for him to leave. “Hey uh, I don’t know if I said this or not, but I’m so glad that I got to meet you, Danny. Thank you for this chance encounter.”

“Oh sure, it was absolutely my pleasure. I hope I haven’t lowered your expectations of me or anything after all of this!” God, how could he possibly do that? You never once felt any differently about him. Danny is such a kind soul, who would do anything to make you laugh or smile. You tried your best to reassure him of how great he is, thanked him once again, and then he was gone. And, you couldn’t wait until next time.

The week was rolling on quick. You usually finished your chores and activities ahead of time, so you could relax longer. And by relaxing, you were just doing all you could to learn more about Danny and the Game Grumps. What do the rest of them look like? Do they have other channels on YouTube? As for Danny, you just did more research on his musical career. He had told you about the other bands he was in, but you wondered what kind of music they played. You quickly discovered that you really liked Skyhill. Afterglow was now one of your top ten favorite songs.

Before you knew it, it was already Friday. But, for whatever reason, you felt like shit. It was the lowest you had felt in four months. Where was this coming from? This impending sadness just overwhelmed you completely. You did not know what to do, considering you had tried everything you knew. You watched Game Grumps, you listened to all your favorite songs, you even called your mom. There wasn’t anything she could do anytime soon. Your sister was causing her even more trouble back at home. Trying to remain calm, you went up to the front desk. “Excuse me, ma’am? I don’t usually do this, but I’m feeling really awful today. I was wondering if I could see Dr. Allen sometime soon.”

“Well sweetie, Dr. Allen is completely tied up this afternoon. Is this an emergency?” It sure did feel like one. But, maybe this isn’t that big of a deal. You just told the woman at the desk that you’d try again tomorrow. Could it wait until tomorrow? You weren’t sure, but what else could you possibly do? Slowly and quietly, you shuffled back to your room. Curling up in your bed just felt like the right thing to do at this point. And then, you finally broke down. You began to cry, but tried to keep as quiet as possible so that you wouldn’t disturb the other residents. Tears stained your cheeks, flowed down your neck, and soaked your t-shirt.

Where did this come from? Why is this happening? You were just fine until today. You should have been grateful, after all. Dan Avidan knows who you are, and is coming back to visit you next week. That’s no reason to be sad. And yet, you just couldn’t shake it. It felt as if you were falling deeper into a never-ending whole in the ground. The darkness scared the shit out of you. The silence was deafening. You couldn’t take this anymore. This was the last thing you wanted to do, but it was the only thing that gave you any hope.

You wrote to Dan in an email. You tried to be calm and explain what was going on, without possibly putting him in a panic. After all, he had more important things to do. Grump sessions, songwriting with Brian, tour dates were coming up. You initially settled for writing to him, but not sending it. However, the longer you sat alone in your room, the worse it got. This would be your only chance to talk to someone before something really bad happened. You took it. The email was already sent. You couldn’t take it back now, if you tried. You felt guilty. You felt selfish. It made it all worse, and you began to panic. You paced the floor, terrified of what would happen. After waiting for an hour, you checked to see if Dan had replied. No such luck.

You shook uncontrollably. You felt sick, afraid, alone, defeated even. It appeared that no one was coming to save you. You shut the laptop down, tucked it under your bed, and panicked even more. You could no longer control all the sobs and the panting. This was a nightmare. All you wanted to do was wake up. You sat up in your bed, looking down at the floor. Hopeless. It was all hopeless.

It was now eleven o’clock at night. You had stopped crying a short while ago, even though you didn’t feel any better. You were just exhausted now. You didn’t get out of your bed once. You just laid there on your right side, sniffling every so often. The stars shined bright through your window. It gave you only the slightest sense of peace. Still, it was only temporary. All you could hear was the sound of your ragged breathing.

That is, until you heard a knock on your door. A nurse had come in, and flicked on your bedside lamp. “Did I wake you, miss?”

“No, I haven’t fallen asleep yet. Do I have a phone call?” You sat up in your bed again, pulling the blanket over your shoulders.

“Well actually, I wanted to let you know that there’s someone here to see you. They just wanted me to check to see if you were sleeping first.” She smiled and walked back out to the front lobby. You could hear her telling someone that you were awake and that they could go in. You decided to grab a sweater to make yourself decent, as you heard the footsteps approaching. You fixed your bed up back to normal, and then heard a quick knock on the doorframe.

“Come in.” You sat on the edge of your bed now, your eyes glued to the floor. Your visitor walked over to the desk next to your bed, careful not to invade your personal space. You could hear them taking off their jacket and setting it on the back of the chair, just before sitting down.

“I’m sorry I’m late, dear. You okay?” Dan said.


End file.
